Children are notorious for repeatedly asking the same question. Any parent can relate to the famous, “Are we there yet?” being asked every five minutes during a long car ride. Parents knowingly exchange glances, roll their eyes, and often choose to ignore the incessant questions. This behavior is expected in children—it’s a normal part of their development, and parents take comfort in knowing it’s just a phase.
As a mother, I remember many moments when my patience was tested, repeatedly answering the same questions for my child. My children have since outgrown that stage, but now, another loved one in my life is going through something similar: my mother. Recently, she has frequently been asking me questions like, “Are you talking about me?” or “Am I in trouble?” She also has started to say, “I lost myself for a minute, what is happening?” Unfortunately, because of her Alzheimer’s, she doesn’t realize she’s repeating herself. Much like a child who unknowingly asks the same thing again and again, she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. But unlike children who eventually outgrow this phase, my mother is on a different, more challenging path. I find myself responding with the same patience and understanding I have for my children, though it’s much harder now.
Alzheimer’s is an insidious disease, one that slowly takes a person’s mind while leaving their body behind. If you aren’t familiar with its progression, here’s a brief overview. Alzheimer’s primarily affects older people, causing problems with memory, thinking, and behavior. It’s as though the brain has become “broken,” making it difficult for people to remember things, perform daily tasks, or stay oriented. Sadly, the disease only gets worse over time, eventually stripping away the ability to live independently. This takes a toll not only on the person with Alzheimer’s but also on their loved ones, who bear witness to this slow decline.
For my family, the journey began when my mom was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s at 61. Although the diagnosis devastated us, it wasn’t a surprise—we had seen the signs. One moment that stands out is from over a decade ago at a family birthday gathering. My mom, who loved hosting, was in her element, directing the meal preparations with my 6-month-old daughter in her arms. She beamed with pride, but then something alarming happened. When she needed both hands to help with a salad, instead of passing the baby back to me, she placed her on the kitchen table and walked away. To my horror, my daughter rolled backward off the table. I caught her just before she hit the floor, but in that moment, I knew something was wrong. This behavior was out of character for my mother and proved to be one of the first signs of her cognitive decline.
Today, my mother lives in a long-term care facility. Each time I walk through the secure doors designed to keep her safe, I see her swaying to the music, waving her hands as if performing a Hawaiian hula, and smiling to herself. She no longer knows my name or who I am, but she recognizes that I am someone deeply important to her. Over the past decade, I’ve had to say goodbye to different pieces of my mother, little by little, but I’m grateful she’s held onto what matters most to her—her faith, her family, and her love of music.
Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s has taught me several important lessons:
- Presence matters. Even if my mother can’t carry on a conversation, just sitting with her brings comfort.
- Gentleness, kindness, compassion, and patience are essential.
- Enter into their world. If your loved one believes they’re living in the past, join them in that moment. If they’re crying at the thought of losing a loved one, cry with them.
- Engage your loved one in activities they love. For my mother, singing hymns brings her joy and a sense of familiarity.
I know that many of you reading this are going through similar experiences, watching a loved one slowly fade away. It can be overwhelming to witness, and at times, it may feel like you’re losing the person you once knew.
But in the midst of the pain, there are moments of connection. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is incredibly challenging, yet it offers opportunities to show love and compassion in profound ways. By embracing patience and understanding, we can continue to support our loved ones through their journey. And remember, you’re not alone. Reach out for support, share your story, and find strength in the knowledge that others are walking this path alongside you.
At Serving Hands Senior Care, we specialize in providing compassionate care for individuals with Alzheimer’s. Our team is dedicated to offering gentle support for those navigating the challenges of this disease. To learn more about our services, please contact our main office at 780-963-1516. We’d be happy to assist you.
For additional information about Alzheimer’s, visit our Facebook page to watch a short educational video filled with helpful tips.
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